The Final Whistle

It is an attack of the green-eyed monster? Some pre-season mind games? Or is Barca coach Pep Guardiola just saying what’s on everybody’s mind?

In a recent Soccernet report, former (and current) Barcelona FC favourite Guardiola said in response to Eto’o and Ibrahimovic’s possible moves to and from Inter, that “each player has his own situation and today, apart from Madrid who have brought in everyone, the world is as it is because it costs a lot to sign players.”

Seems like Real aren’t the only ones though. Man City are probably the only other club who have gone and made multiple high profile signings this off-season. The current big-four English clubs have made nary a peep in comparision.

I guess the money driven merry-go-round is likely to continue, especially when it comes to players’ agents lining their own pockets. In remotely related news (it involves Barca too), Mascherano’s agent has come out to say that his client is keen on a move to Barca, despite the player not having said so in the media. Unless we hear it from the horse’s mouth (Masch does look a bit like a horse doesn’t he?), it’ll just be a lot of hot air from the agent looking to play both clubs (and Liverpool fans can rest easy…for now). Anyhow, Masch’s agent is not the first to do so, and certainly won’t be the last.

After reading what Robinho said, it seems to me that Man City may be getting a little bit ahead of themselves.

Sure…they managed to sign some big names, but who are nowhere near the players that Real Madrid have signed. But who can blame them? After all, Man City aren’t exactly the nine-time winners of the European Champions League, and players don’t exactly grow up dreaming of playing for the blue half of Manchester (“As a kid, I’ve always dreamt of pulling on the light-blue shirt and stepping out onto the pitch at the City of Manchester Stadium to play for City alongside Bellamy and Benjani”).

So, even if City manage to nick John Terry’s signature from Chelsea, and have a squad that even Man Utd would be envious of (now that a certain Portuguese winger has left), there is a big reason why they won’t be challenging for honours any time soon.

You see, a successful football club is not built only on players alone, but a large part of it depends on the manager. Sparky may have been a great player in his day, and he may have had some good managerial experience at Blackburn and City (and his native Wales?), but he does not have the experience of handling a dressing room full of big names and egos the size of Adebayor’s hair.

One only needs to look at a certain club from Madrid during the first ‘Galacticos’ era in the early part of the new millennium. The number of managers that came and went in failed love affairs with Real since then would have made Elizabeth Taylor seem like a one-man woman. Greater managers than Sparky have had problems controlling a dressing room full of stars at the Bernabeu.

I mean, who is the biggest name that Sparky has had to handle in his time at Blackburn? Tugay? At Wales? Robbie Savage? And when City signed Robinho, he was the only marquee name in a team of journeymen players and homegrown talent. Now, there are at least five big-name players (with more on the way), and it will be seen how Sparky handles the dressing room to keep all of them happy…he may want to call his former boss Sir Alex for some man-management tips.

Somehow, I have a feeling that Hughes may become a victim of Man City’s recent revolution if results don’t go their way. Just ask a certain Signor Ranieri who was shipped home to Italy after Mr Abramovich wanted to build his own Roman empire at Stamford Bridge. Chairmen these days don’t take too kindly to not having almost immediate ROIs on multi-million pound players.

Mark Hughes may just be looking at some dark, lonely Arabian nights right around December or January…

Tevez is full of it.

First, he didn’t want to join Liverpool out of respect for Utd cos Pool are Utd’s rivals. Next, he joins Man City, because Man City are not Utd’s rivals?

Now, he reveals that he snubbed Real to join City because City “showed lots of interest in me and are intent on growing and signing big players”…and Real aren’t?

Seems like the smell of cold hard cash is too alluring…

“I am sad to leave United but I am excited to join City. I’m thinking about the future and I will grow (richer) with this club.”

And in other related news, Gareth Barry has refuted accusations by Rafael Benitez that he joined City for the cash, when he obviously joined them for the Champions League football that they are going to provide him. How dare Rafa make such allegations when Gareth Barry is obviously a trustworthy person whose words can always be relied on?

A friend and I were discussing Michael Owen’s shock transfer to Man Utd during breakfast this morning. He (my friend, not Michael Owen) is a Man Utd fan, and I (as regular readers would’ve figured by now) am a Liverpool fan. Yes, ‘Pool and Utd fans CAN co-exist! (but that’s not the point of this post).

Anyway, we were both stunned by the news, but were not overly for or against it. We both felt that Owen was there as a back-up striker to Berba and Rooney, and adopted a wait-and-see attitude regarding Owen’s form for this coming season in the red of Utd.

We got to talking about how players were unveiled at their new clubs, and the inevitable press conference (and questions) that would come with it. Being a corporate comms/PR person myself, i can imagine that the clubs’ press secretary would have a lot to do with the answers that new players give during press conferences at their unveiling. In situations such as Owen’s (coming from a hated rival, no matter how many times removed), it would be difficult to “renounce” former ties (for fear of angering and alienating your former fans), and it would also be difficult to win over Utd fans if he did not. So how?

Here’s where the club’s press secretary comes in…with a list of neutral statements (or non-statements) to placate and please everyone, except the tabloids who are sniffing for blood with one (just one) wrong answer to a well-placed difficult question (i.e. “as a former Liverpool player, do you think you are betraying Liverpool and its fans by signing with their most hated rivals in the history of the English game? And how do you hope to win over the Old Trafford faithful now that you are seen as past your prime?”)

I would expect Owen to have no problems handling this sort of questions as he is a professional, but a bit of prepping before the press conference would not hurt. Here’s a list of statements which I think would be given to every new signing by the every clubs’ press secretary, just to be safe.

1. I am happy to be here.
2. It is an honour and privilege to sign for a club with such a long and successful history (for English clubs outside the big four, replace the word ‘successful’ with ‘distinguished’ or ‘illustrious’).
3. I will do my best for the team, and help them win the league/avoid relegation/qualify for the Champions League/get seventh place/achieve mid-table mediocrity (delete where applicable).
4. I look forward to a successful season with __________ (enter name of current club).
5. I may have been from ___________ (enter name of current club’s most hated rivals), but I am here now at _________ (enter name of current club).
6. I am grateful and thankful for the opportunities given me during my time with __________ (enter name of current club’s most hated rivals), but I am now a __________ (enter name of current club) player (no harm emphasising again).
7. I will be focused on the task at hand.
8. The fans are amazing, and are the most passionate in the country.
9. I look forward to showing them what I am capable of.
10. I look forward to a successful season with __________. (enter name of current club…one can never highlight this point enough)

The ten statements above are relevant for any new player in any country (Barbados to Brazil), in any club (Rotherham to Real Madrid), in any language (English to Esperanto). Put it all together and you’ve got one heck of a press statement to give to the media pack, and prevent a feeding frenzy.

If you don’t believe me, look at all the comments in the media by new players from now on.

I almost fell off my chair when I read that Michael Owen might be signing for Man Utd, and I don’t think anyone saw it coming (except Fergie and those who needed to know the news). The Utd players also probably choked on their morning coffee when they saw the news in the back pages…

I figure Liverpool and Man Utd fans everywhere are gagging in disbelief as well…for different reasons though. For Liverpool fans, it is hard to stomach one of the former Kop favourites and one of Anfield’s favourite sons putting on the Man Utd shirt, no matter how off-form he might be. For Man Utd fans, it is hard to imagine a former player from your most hated rivals joining your team, and being really off-form to boot.

This off-season has turned out to be a really interesting one, especially with all the big name transfers going round (mostly to Real Madrid, with everyone else picking up the scraps).

It’s like a huge game of musical chairs, except that Liverpool is sitting this one out. Glen Johnson for $17 million pounds? I still find it hard to believe.

He’d better prove he’s worth every penny…